Yes, I'm back...forgot some thoughts

I just checked the last post (not the one I wrote minutes ago) and it was literally 2 months and a day ago that I wrote the last post...how pitiful!

And when I was reviewing the most recent post, I read the title of our blog and became saddened. You see, 'the Cube' is no longer with us. Sugar Cube, more formally known, was our beloved 8 year old cat that had to be euthanized early Friday morning, Dec.03, 2009, due to renal failure. Her illness began that Monday and came to an end by Friday morning. She passed away in our arms at the vet ER clinic....I wouldn't change a thing about being there as she died because our presence gave her comfort, but it was VERY HARD to watch her in pain and know in just minutes she will be gone. It was VERY HARD to watch her sweet head lower and her purring come to a stop as the euthanasia cocktail took over her body. I'll never be able to pet that soft fur and love on our beautiful furbaby.....that was one of the thoughts running through my head at the time.

It is a bit boring in the house now that she is gone. Both of us miss her as her antics and place in the schedule of the day are gone. When Jesse is at work, I'm definitely feeling quite by myself as she was my buddy, staying by my side through the day, and tolerating my talking to her to keep me sane :).

I miss her warm little body that curls up next to us during the night or if we take naps on the weekend. Her 'turkey-call', this funny little gurgling noise she'd make when greeting us in the hall as we entered the house, or when she was running to the food bowl expecting us to follow, is a noise we'll definitely miss as it was so fun to hear and made us laugh.

She was a beautiful cat and gave us her flirty eyes when we either we petted her when she wanted or she wanted something from us (food, to be let in or out)...I guess the pattern here is that when she wanted something she knew how to flirt!

But, even though Sugar Cube is no longer with us, I am keeping her memory alive by not taking her out of our blog title.

Ah, Sugie, our fur-baby, you will be sorely missed and greatly appreciated for being a part of our life! Thank you Lord for your precious creatures you have created and allowed to be blessings in our lives.

her flirty eyes

her favorite way to lay around
watching the snowfall in Tennessee '08

Time Flies

Ok, I'm bad about blogging, I'll be the first to admit. I'm bad about reading others blogs, too, including when they ask me if I've read their latest one.

I think the last blog was toward the end of October, not sure, didn't even check before I started writing this post. Again, I'm a bad blogger.

Much has taken place since I last posted, or at least it seems like it has. So, I'm going to try to catch up over the next month (December) and get a few more posts on here and not seem so pitiful in my endeavor to blog.

I can't believe we are 24 days out from a New Year....the year 2010....that is so weird to write!

And today, Dec. 7, is a day to always remember....that attack on Pearl Harbour ....we must not forget events of the past such as these or we are doomed to repeat them in the future.

Well, I must get off here and go paint a Christmas ornament for our ornament swap squadron coffee tomorrow night. It will look much like one of these but will have a certain DM AFB squadron patch on it :).

General Revelation

God's general revelation to man is so obvious it is sad to hear people say otherwise. In bible study this morning at church where we have begun studying Romans, we were reading about the general revelation of God as mentioned in Romans 1: 18-20 and beyond...

"For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse."

As I hear about the death of a friend or gaze out at another gorgeous Tucson sunset, I am set in awe, wonder, and thoughtfulness about life here on earth. How precious it is. How short it is. How marvelously made it is. How it all works together for God's glory, even when we don't understand what is going on.

I've taken some photos of recent rainbows, sunsets, moonsets, and such and I would like to share them here. As I gaze up into these clouds or the stars at night (hard to take pictures of those :) ), my breath almost leaves me as I think about how awesome God is! I think on His rainbow that He has set in the heavens as a continual covenant to us.....the Lord keeps His promises for all time.....He doesn't break them. Thus, we still see rainbows today. The Lord's promise of eternal life in Christ also goes unbroken. A true faith in Him gives a believer the assurance that their life is held in the palm of God's hand and no one or nothing will take them out of it.

It takes my breath away that even though God is so awesome and powerful, above all creation and the heavens, that He cares to be intimate in my life as a believer in Him, as one of His children in Christ Jesus.

I've been using a 'read-the-bible-in-a-year-plan' and got behind by about 2 months, so with 2 1/2 more months left, I'm plowing through major sections of the bible a day at a time. I'm glad I am reading this volume and in various books as I see more and more the interconnection of all of these writings. It truly is amazing that as you feed the Holy Spirit that is in you, if you are a believer in Christ, how you hunger more and more to read and know the Word. The desire builds and grows and the Fruit of the Spirit lives out in one's life.

I'm really just trying to put rambling thoughts I've had this morning together in this blog, but these are the kinds of thoughts that sustains me in the challenges that meet me. It is what helps keep a smile on my face or my spirits lifted even in trials and hearing hard news of the death of a loved one or other pain someone is going through.

I just find that I cannot complain anymore because the Lord has delivered me from the worst fate I could suffer....eternal damnation in Hell. We don't speak this frank very much to our loved ones and we need to, and soon, as we are not promised to live tomorrow as I'm reminded by hearing of yet another tragic death of a family friend. Thank the Lord Mr. Maxwell was a believer in Jesus Christ....now he is singing praises to the Lord in person and is enjoying perfect health and happiness.

I don't know if the Lord will ever grant us children to parent. I honestly don't know and feeling a bit like that is going to be the case. My natural self tends toward the 'Debbie Downer' side, but I feel like I'm being prepared to handle this reality. Maybe I'm wrong, hopefully I'm wrong.

We have come to realize we have a different view of how open things should be in an adoption than what our agency promotes. We will be meeting with the coordinators next week to get some questions answered and see if we should be working together in the future.

Other than that, life is good, Jesse and I are blessed, we are better than we deserve!

We must trust in Him

In times that I don't understand why things work out they way they do, I go back to the thought that in God's sovereignty, He is working it out all out for Good. That He can see all around me and others and knows what plans are best for His children....even if the plans are unveiled to us, maybe make us go through grief and pain, or uncertainty. A true test of faith;refined perseverance.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you. ''...."so we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. " 2 Corinthians 4: 7-12, 16-18

True believers in Christ have this hope in Him, and this hope gets us through the trials and tribulations that come our way.

I would like to shed a spotlight on a beautiful family that we were blessed to know for but a year. Brad and Sara Sullivan. Sara recently passed away, just two weeks after delivering their first child, a baby girl named Chloe Grace. Sara had been battling breast cancer and it appeared they had it conquered. Then, she started suffering some seizures and ultimately succumbed to what was diagnosed as 'postpartum angiopathy'.

I'm including this link to their blog so that you can be blessed in reading their story, and see true Christian faith in action....they both walked the walked and talked the talked even through the darkest of days. We love you Sara and look forward to being reunited with you someday soon!

http://bandssullivan.blogspot.com

 I felt the urge to blog today after spending about an hour and a half reading through the blogging world.  I think it is actually procrastination, but I'm still glowing from organizing the office on Monday (today is Friday) so that we both could work in it.  My desk sits in front of the window where I can set my gaze on the property-line cement brick wall and the south facing outside wall of our neighbor's house.  I can always say when trying to work or write and am stuck, that I've 'hit a wall' or as lost/confused as 'a mule looking at a new fence". 

Anyway,  it is such a challenge being a homemaker who has a type A- personality and must be busy all of the time.  There is much to do from typical mundane chore-work  to completing personal projects (ex. photo books).  And if I want to have  a social life, I must venture out at some point during the week and visit with friends or go to areas where people congregate. 

 But, I tend to LOVE staying holed up at home and working SLOWLY on the various chores and projects.

My groom and I have felt called to adopt, and so much of my time is also spent on reading on the issue and putting together our match letter for the adoption agency we're working with.  It is not easy putting your life in limited words and text in order to catch the eye of an interested birthparent.  It is not easy to show with that limit what we have to offer a child and to send across in words our true personalities.  Very hard.  Makes it easy to procrastinate completing this particular project.  

 (Photo: Uncle Jesse and baby Abby, 8/12/09)

We are also pursuing infertility treatments, but I think we're pretty much at the end of the trail we plan to take with this venue.  IUI treatments are as far as we care to go and we've just started this level with our new fertility doctor.   There comes a time in the adoption process where the childless couple should come to grips with the loss of not giving birth to a biological child...for some it is before they start I would think, while others are still getting through it during the process of case studies and matching.  I personally think it never goes away for the woman, at least, no matter what article I read or adoptive mom I talk to.  I could be wrong, especially since we're still on the front end of this process.  I honestly can't say that I've grieved it through completely and am 'over it', but I do have  a bigger peace given to me by God a few months ago.  The peace is that no matter what, the Lord knows what is best for us and His timing and plans are perfect and beautiful.   I even have a peace if it is in His plans for us to never have children, then so be it....there is reason for it.  But, my mind does wander to thoughts about what would a child Jesse and I would create would be like and look like.  What creation would we create?!

The challenge that is hitting me the hardest right now with the adoption process is how open or closed can I honestly be a part of in the relationship of birthparent/adoptive parent.  The classes we went through actually made me more anxious and unsettled than encouraged and excited.  I fully believe we are called to adopt, as does Jesse, but I'm having trouble separating out what is secular/social and what is biblically sound.  This last statement may not make sense, but sometimes society in the social world seems to push a trend and then slap biblical principals on it, or try to.  My thoughts at this point are still not concrete enough to further blog and convey a clear point to any readers, so I'll stop here.  I know my thoughts and feelings will change as I continue to get educated on the issue and we continue forward through this process, but I pray sincerely for Divine wisdom and clarity in what level of 'openness' of adoption we are to be part.

Advice to family and friends:

I encourage you to get online and look up 'open adoption' and read more about it. A way friends and family can support a couple who is adopting is to become educated themselves on the issue and not always wait for the couple to educate them.  This will help the couple not feel alone as they chart these new adoption territories in their life.    

Realize that the couple is in the 'pregnancy' stage of starting a family....at least in my mind, filling out the paperwork, going through the home study, attending classes, getting background checks and references, and paying the various initial fees, are equivalent to the first trimester.   The second trimester would be equivalent to the wait of being chosen by a birthparent, the matching of the two parties, and the development of the relationship as the birthmom's pregnancy progresses.  The third trimester would be the birth of the child, the waiting period (3-14 days depending on the agency) of the birthmom to make the final decision of whether to parent or to give up her rights to parent, and the weeks to months of hearing from the judge the final decision that the child is legally the adoptive parents' child.  It is when this judge hands down the official court order that our adoption agency suggest baby showers and official celebrations should begin.....as any time sooner may feel like the loss of a miscarriage or stillborn birth if the adoption does not go through.

There's a huge challenge in balancing selflessness and selfishness, charity and security, relinquishment and control.  A third party is introduced in this normally two-party event.....extra challenges that I know I cannot handle on my own.  It will have to be all God's doing!

Viva Las Vegas...again!

I'm breaking in the midst of our Yellowstone sage....because I'm too slow in getting things posted, but I will get back to posting the rest of the Yellowstone trip b/c we had a great time and many photos to share!   

But, for now, just sharing a bit of the fun we're having.  Back up here in North Las Vegas with

 Matt and Mandy, my brother and SIL, as they have welcomed to the world their 4th child, a little girl named Abigail Grace, "Abby Grace", about 2 weeks ago (Aug 12).  

 I flew in last week, mom "Mimi" has been here about 2 months

, dad "Gdaddy" arrived over the weekend, and Jesse will drive up tomorrow with Sugar Cube.

It has been hotter than a firecracker, but we've still had fun playing outside, inside and all around!

The twins, Micah and Elise, turned 2 on Aug 7, so they are definitely getting around more easily and talking quite a bit.  And they have pretty much accomplished potty training!

Levi is 3 1/2 now and VERY active

 and bright.  His latest activity is soccer a

nd looks like he's going to do really well in this sport down the

 road.  

He also enjoys learning to read...yes, learning to read, as well as drawing and playing with his friends.

Oh, and Matt decided to do a super duper

 workout because he is training for a sprint triathlon in November.  He did about 100 pushups and over 50 pullups and about 2 days later his arms and lats swelled up due to having RHABDOMYLOSIS....it was actually pretty serious b/c it could cause liver damage due to the broken down muscle tissue and protein circulating in his blood.  

After a regular work-out for folks, people register around 100 units in their blood, whereas Matthew had 70,000 units in his blood!   So, he drank LOTS of water and Pedialyte and after a few days of having to be fed, dressed, and walking around with his arms unable to extend, he has recovered.  

Just something typical in the French household...ha! 

Yellowstone Backcountry Pictures & video

Bear tracks on the path to our campsite

            

           

 antelope's 'restroom'... Bear track on our path to our campsite